How Old is Old Enough for Driver's License?

How Old is Old Enough for Driver's License?

John K. Rosemond My oldest grandson, not yet 15, is already taking drivers education. In fact, he’s already been behind the wheel with his instructor, on an interstate highway no less. I’m resigned to his obtaining his license in a little more than a year. I’m not happy about it. I’m resigned. Mind you, he’s more trustworthy and responsible (in my objective opinion) than nine-point-nine out of ten of his peers. He’s a good if not great kid, and as my readers know, my standards are high. Still, I’m shaking my head in incredulous resignation.

Disclaimer: When my kids turned 16, each received a car from their hugely naïve parents. Would that I had some things to do over again.

Two weeks ago, a San Diego journalist called asking for some quotes for a story he’s doing on teenage drivers. The story was prompted by the recent automobile deaths of two San Diego teens in separate accidents. My beloved grandson’s life flashed in front of me.

I told said journalist that giving a drivers license to a teenage child (and if anyone has failed to notice, they are still children) under age 18 was like giving the kid a revolver with ten thousand chambers, only one of which is loaded with a bullet, and telling him to point it at his head and pull the trigger. Would any responsible parent do such a thing? Then, pray tell, why do otherwise responsible parents allow teenage children to obtain drivers licenses and provide them with cars?

When would I allow driving privileges? he asked. When two conditions were satisfied­—the 18th birthday and a high school diploma. Would that reduce the drop-out rate or what?

The 16-year-old driving privilege was established when cars were less powerful, roads were less crowded, and 16-year-olds were considerably more mature than they are today. Furthermore, these laws were passed to allow teens to participate more fully in the operation of family farms. They were not passed with the intention that teens would drive for discretionary, largely recreational purposes.

Do teens need driving privileges, much less cars? Obviously not. In Europe, where teens seem to live satisfactory lives (by all measures, they are much happier on average than US teens), the driving age is 18. Even then, few young adults drive cars. They walk, ride bicycles, use public transportation, or putt around on scooters.

Someone clamors for my attention: “But John! Lots of small towns and rural areas don’t have public transportation!” But the same is true in Europe. And, to repeat, European teens are lots happier than they are on this side of the pond.

I suggest that the primary reason the driving age is not going to be raised any time soon is because the current law is a huge convenience to parents. They are not only relieved of having to transport the young licensee, but they can also assign him to driving younger siblings to after-school activities and the like. So even though these young drivers cannot vote, state legislators are going to protect their driving privileges. Given that interstate commerce is involved, we can only hope that Congress will take up the issue.

Given the facts, which lead to the inescapable conclusion that giving driving privileges to a teen, any teen, puts the youngster at far, far more risk than letting a 5-year-old play outside unsupervised (which most of the same parents would not allow), I must conclude that this is not, to be polite, the most prudent of moves.

I invite anyone out there to justify this to me in rational terms. You can send your comments to me through my website at www.rosemond.com.

Family psychologist John Rosemond’s latest book, The Well-Behaved Child, is now in bookstores.

Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

Mom Doesn't Have to Sacrifice Everything

John K. Rosemond

Editor's Note: This John Rosemond column was previously published.

Question: Ever since I had children, now 7 and 5, I have resented sacrificing my executive position in the work force for staying home and giving 150% to my children to make sure they succeed in life. I was recently offered my last position back. I am torn between going back to work and my responsibility as a parent. My husband, who is an uninvolved father, says he wants me to be happy and thinks that going back to work is what I should do. What advice can you give me?

Answer: Take it from someone whose mom worked and went to college nearly all of my formative years, one can succeed in life without his or her mom sacrificing everything she wants for herself to insure that. In fact, I don't think the self-sacrificing mom insures anything except perhaps a child who is excessively dependent upon his mother.

Why did women liberate themselves, anyway? Surely not to enslave themselves to the task of making sure their kids succeed, which no amount of maternal effort can guarantee anyway. My mom, and mothers of her ilk through time, thought it was their kids' responsibility to figure out how to succeed in life, not theirs. They believed it was simply their job to raise children of character, not children who had high IQs or sat at the heads of their classes or went on to become doctors, lawyers, or CEOs of major corporations.

As for your husband, the "uninvolved father" who wants what is best for his wife, perhaps you are so involved with your children that he has difficulty feeling like he can get involved without incurring your micromanagement. Any woman who says she is giving more than 33% of herself to her kids is, by definition, what I call a 3M mom: a magnificent maternal micromanager. Obviously, you more than qualify. Besides, as I've said in recent columns, I don't think parents should be involved with their children. They should be interested and ready to get involved, but involvement should be the exception, not the rule. A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD BE INVOLVED WITH ONE ANOTHER. And yes, I'm yelling, because all-too-many of today's parents need to be strapped to chairs and made to listen to a tape loop of the previous sentence blaring over a loudspeaker until they get it.

There is nothing that secures a child's sense of well-being and releases his capacity for self-sufficiency more reliably than knowing his parents are in relationship with one another. Perhaps, and I say this gently, you have so immersed yourself in the role of mother that you have neglected your marriage. Perhaps it is past time for you to rediscover the joy and liberation of being a wife first, a mother second.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

*About the Author: Rosemond has written nine best-selling parenting books and is one of America's busiest and most popular speakers, known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style. In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect, Public Eye, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today.

Click here to visit Rosemond's Web site, www.rosemond.com.